He aint heavy, he’s my brother

Phorr, there’s something funny and round here. What is it?
Oh, it’s you… come here and sit down.
You’re gonna have the truth told about you and put on my blog.
Here, please do not sit too close to me, I’ve just had my breakfast, thank-you.
Who put salt on the slugs for a laugh? threw up his curry on the garden path?
Who put real live ducks in the bath? … My brother!
Who squirted cream in Dumpys shoe? Who won a pizza with his snooker cue?
Who locked Grumpy in the loo?… My brother!
My brother said it wasn’t he, who put 4 sugars in Nic’s tea
She’s always welcome, but not me – my brother’s rotten.
Who’s not fat but under tall? Who trod on the doggies balls? ***
Who graffittied the toilet wall?… My brother!
You wanna see what he drew. Phorr, what a surprise. Nobody knew what it was really,
but everybody had a jolly good idea. And he wrote slogans
“Down with 29 year old mothers”, that was one.
`Cos he don’t think my mum brought us up right…
I don’t think so either.
You know, every night when we were drinking beer, she said it’s time for bed.
And then in the morning when we’re all hungover, she made us get up.
Whose pet snake made Auntie shriek? Who ate a cork then couldn’t leak?
Whos clever dick was stuck up for a week? … My brother!
Who sent maggots to Auntie Pam? Plays naked twister on his cam,
Who’s been getting at the jam?… My brother!
He doesn’t look particularly thin, it’s not fat he says, it’s just deep skin.
They say he’s good on the computer thing, but you don’t know what sites he’s
surfin’ do ya?
Who wouldn’t mind if I ride his bike? Who’d let me shoot his wife if I like?
Who is so jealous because I’m better at absolutely everything,
that he broke my wooden horses head off when Rolf Harris came to tea,
and asked “Jim’ll fix it” to let him chase little girls up and down the high Street
Well, he’s gotta say I’m best, `cos I’m older than he is and if he
don’t say I’m best at everything…
I’ll bash him. Ha Ha…. My lovely, lovely brother.
Come on, come on mate, let’s get you out of here before you fall
down the hole in the middle. Come on, give us yer hand, we’re gonna
walk ….. Here, here, what have you got in yer hand?…
Have yer?
Does Jayne know you still do that?

*** The ones in the garden